


Collision

by goldtoashes, heirsofbrokenlegacies (jarofhearts)



Series: Grow as we go [4]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, Consensual Sex, Feanorian drama, Fingon as the counterweight to Maedhros the hothead, M/M, Maedhros and Mairon both being a bit of a jerk, Mairon Makes Bad Life Choices, Mairon Makes Good Life Choices, Modern Middle Earth, Relationship Discussions, Romantic Fluff, Tyelpë is the eighth son of Fëanor, alternative universe, mentions of past rape, shameless use of Middle-Earth names and words for modern day concepts, the inevitable happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24358402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldtoashes/pseuds/goldtoashes, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jarofhearts/pseuds/heirsofbrokenlegacies
Summary: “Annatar!” Tyelpë reached to grip Mairon’s arm to make him look at him. “Witness protection? Former -” And then, suddenly, he blanched, looked at Maedhros and then back at Mairon. “You’re -”“The guy that helped save your brother’s ass even if he’s being a complete jerk about it right now?” Mairon spat, looking completely annoyed. “Yeah, that one.”Fuck, if only that was all it was about.---Mairon's plan to spend a lazy Saturday with Tyelpë go up in smoke when Maedhros unexpectedly drops by for a visit. The inevitable drama ocurrs, egos clash, Tyelpë gets hurt, and everyone scrambles to pick up the pieces.
Relationships: Celebrimbor | Telperinquar/Sauron | Mairon, Fingon | Findekáno/Maedhros | Maitimo, past Fingon | Findekáno/Maedhros | Maitimo/Sauron | Mairon, past Maedhros | Maitimo/Sauron | Mairon
Series: Grow as we go [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697428
Comments: 7
Kudos: 45





	Collision

**Author's Note:**

> Here we are back with another part. Just like we promised, that fun little threesome does have consequences for everyone involved. Poor Tyelpë had no idea what he got himself involved in... 
> 
> This story is set three and a half years after the main events of Tailspin and about a year after the epilogue. If you haven't read either Tailspin or its follow-up piece, Speedrush, yet, we humbly suggest you do so first. Otherwise, you will probably get little of the beautiful unfolding drama. 
> 
> This story has a lot less sex and a lot more character development than the previous one. We hope you enjoy this part, and would be happy to hear your thoughts on it!

Mairon woke from the short buzzing of his phone, blinking sleepily into the half-lit room. Sunlight was falling through the cracks in the shutter, so it had to be morning already. Yet it was Saturday, he remembered, so he was in no rush to get up. With a pleased sigh, he turned onto his side and reached for the sleeping figure next to him. Pulling him into his arm, he gently nuzzled into the nape of his neck, breathing in the familiar scent. 

Tyelpë stirred a little, but then settled easily into his hold, his breathing evening out again immediately to something slow and steady. And for a moment, Mairon was deeply content just to listen to it, nestled against the warm body in his arms.

If anyone had told him a few months ago that he’d be happy spending his Saturday mornings _cuddling_ , he’d probably have laughed in that person’s face. Yet here he was, and a lot of things had changed within those few months. More precisely, since Tyelperinquar had walked first into his tutorial, then into his life, and somehow had managed to turn it upside down in no time at all. 

He might even have dozed for a while longer, nestled against Tyelpë, but was stirred back to awareness when the torso under his arm expanded in a deeper breath that signified its owner surfacing from slumber. And then, more so, the warm hand coming up to cover his forearm, thumb brushing over his skin.

Smiling, Mairon pressed a kiss right below his ear. “Hey, you.”

Tyelpë’s lips were curling up into a soft smile and he turned his head a little more towards Mairon, eyes still closed.

“Mmh. What time is it…?”

“Hmm… time for snuggling and making out and not bothering with what time it is?” Mairon suggested with a grin. “Seriously, I have no idea.”

The reply was something between a soft snort and a laugh. Tyelpë shifted and turned towards him fully, blinking at him while his eyes adjusted. "Why are you so awake already, what's up with that?"

“No idea. Might have to do with the fact that I woke up to a hot, naked guy sleeping next to me,” Mairon muttered, burying his face in the curve of Tyelpë’s neck. His hands were busy running all the way over his boyfriend’s back. _His Boyfriend._ The words still sounded strange in his own mind, but not unpleasant. Not at all.

A soft, warm laugh sounded in his ear and he was enveloped in a warm hold, fingers sliding into his hair on the back of his head. "I suppose I'll take credit for the 'hot'… the 'naked' one goes to you."

“Mhmm… I take full responsibility and regret nothing.” Covering Tyelpë’s neck with kisses and small bites, Mairon’s hand slid even further to cup his backside. He was delighted to find his boyfriend rolling his hips up readily against him, head tipping back to give Mairon more room. A contented sigh reached his ears.

“I really hope that you don’t. You sounded rather happy at least…”

“You mean the part where Galadriel was banging on the wall, shouting that we should shut the fuck up?” Mairon laughed. “Or I think that’s what she was doing, for _some_ reason I couldn’t really understand her.” 

“I think she was calling for _you_ to shut the fuck up.” He could hear the grin in Tyelpë’s voice, his fingertips raking leisurely through Mairon’s hair. His leg was sliding up and around Mairon’s hips, drawing him in.

“Well, I blame you, smartie,” Mairon hummed, nipping on the warm skin of Tyelpë’s neck, reaching for his thigh and gently pulling him closer. “But I have to admit, you’re getting pretty good at this. Almost as if some _incredible_ sex god taught you,” he added with a chuckle.

Initially, his words were met with a small chortle. But then the fingers in his hair tightened gently and guided his head back up so Tyelpë could look at him, his grey eyes clear and intent. "Maybe some incredible sex god _did_ ," he said and pulled him in for a kiss.

If Mairon had to bring it down to one reason why he could not resist this guy, it had to be _this_. This charming mixture of assertiveness and adoration that Tyelpë had shown him from the day they had met and that always created that warm and glowing feeling inside him.

“You’re _very_ welcome,” he muttered between two kisses and then said nothing and just kissed him, enjoying how much their bodies entwined, the lazy way Tyelpë’s tongue nudged against his, how familiar he already was with each of his movements. He hadn’t exaggerated - although Tyelpë had been inexperienced when they had made love for the first time, he had turned out to be a rather quick learner and a skillful lover. Sometimes Mairon had wondered whether that skill ran in the family, but he had always pushed the thought away, as it brought up a slightly guilty conscience he wasn’t willing to face quite yet. He had no choice in this, right? His lawyer had made it pretty clear to him that he wasn’t to reveal his former identity and his past to anyone, and Maedhros was a part of that past, after all. 

Well… not _only_ of his past, but his lawyer didn't need to know that.

Unaware of that brief turn of thought, Tyelpë had slowly shifted Mairon's body above his with his leg that was wrapped around Mairon's hip, settling him between his thighs without ever really breaking their kiss. Like this, he had his second hand free to let it roam over Mairon's back, over shoulder blades and along the curve of his spine until it found his backside and squeezed it encouragingly, humming into their kiss. With a low groan, Mairon bit lightly into his lower lip. 

“Mmh, I take it you want to learn more?” he teased gently. “You’re such a good teacher’s pet, baby.” 

Grinding against each other and making out like this, they had both become hard, and Tyelpë's breathing was coming a little shorter already, his hips again rolling up readily against Mairon's.

"Guess being the favorite comes with the benefit of fucking my tutor," the younger man replied with a smirk. "Which in turn comes with the benefit of always learning more."

“Good strategy,” Mairon commented breathlessly, his hand sliding between their bodies, giving Tyelpë some gentle strokes that earned him a soft, appreciative moan. “As long as you don’t generalize it to your other teachers, of course…”

Tyelpë released his lower lip he had bitten down on and grinned back at him without much edge, considering his sleep-ruffled hair and how his cheeks were starting to flush softly. “Sounds like you think I’d run off with a next best tutor once the new semester starts… That’s just weird and I object to it. Besides…” He let his hand wander around Mairon’s hip, fingertips teasingly brushing around the base of his cock. “They wouldn’t be nearly as hot as you.”

“Ah, Tyelperinquar gave a _very_ good answer. Well done, my boy,” Mairon replied in the playful imitation of a teacher’s voice, a broad grin on his face and feeling pleasantly flattered. His hand was going further down, brushing past Tyelpë’s balls and teasing his entrance. “I suppose you won’t object if I drive the point home, am I wrong?”

"No… not wrong at all," Tyelpë agreed, readily parting his thighs a little further to the touch.

Since they had first started sleeping together, the youngest Fëanorian had been happy to experiment, to discover and learn new things, eager for both knowledge and experience - just like Mairon had gotten to know him academically. And even though Mairon didn't like drawing comparisons and avoided it whenever he could, sometimes it was impossible not to. While between him and Maedhros, their roles had been clear, with Tyelpë there weren't really any. Or at least they seemed to switch between them easily, sometimes from one moment to the other, depending on how the mood shifted between them. And while Mairon had done his share of experimenting with different partners in recent years, this was something that was new to him, too, yet he had found that he enjoyed it. 

Right now, Tyelpë seemed to be happy to let him take the lead and Mairon acted on it naturally. Taking his time to make him gasp and moan softly, he found his boyfriend all ready when he eventually pushed into him slowly, pulled closer by Tyelpë’s legs and his hands cupping his face drawing him in for a kiss. There was no particular hurry this morning given that they had already made love quite excessively the night before. Melting into one another, their bodies entwined, Mairon moved inside him rather lazily, kissing and caressing Tyelpë’s face and enjoying the look of affection and utter satisfaction in the silver-grey eyes. And when they were done, he was happy to let Tyelpë pull him close again, let his head rest on his boyfriend's chest and listen to the sound of his rapidly beating heart. 

“Was that the front door?” Mairon muttered breathlessly at some noise outside the room. “I think your housemate just left. Pointedly.”

“And we weren’t even loud at all,” Tyelpë mumbled, his fingers trailing over his back in lazy little caresses. The chest Mairon’s head rested on expanded in a slow, deep sigh. “I’ll talk to her. You only ever lived alone, right? And never had that problem?”

"Mhm," Mairon replied a little evasively, adding with a grin, "I'm not the housemate type of person. Guess I like to decide when to kick people out." That, and he was also not keen on explaining to a potential housemate why he insisted on keeping the door tightly locked at night, let alone that in the beginning, he would have probably gone crazy if another person had entered his apartment unforeseen. 

“That sounds like you,” he heard Tyelpë smile, gentle fingers trailing through his hair. His foot was lazily rubbing against Mairon’s calf, his heart beating calmly under Mairon’s ear.

"Hm. I like waking up in the morning with you though."

It was quiet above him for a moment, though the affectionate touch in his hair didn’t falter, and eventually Mairon felt his boyfriend press a kiss to the top of his head, still a smile in his voice when he spoke.

“That’s a new one for you, huh?"

"Well… not entirely," Mairon hummed, "but it's nice not having to think about how to get out without leaving my number." He grinned and pressed a kiss on Tyelpë's collarbone. "Also, it's quite nice to know that the guy you fucked will look just as hot in the morning as he did last night."

Tyelpë huffed and tugged lightly on Mairon’s hair, but he could see that the younger man received flattery just as gladly as he did himself. “Well that’s good to hear.” Still, there was a quiet sort of look on Tyelpë’s handsome face that was a lot like the one he always wore when he was pondering something.

Mairon reached up and lightly tapped his nose. "What is it?"

The gesture drew a smile from Tyelpë, and for a moment his boyfriend just returned his gaze, a warm look in his eyes.

“Just thinking about you,” he admitted then, raising his hand to brush his thumb over Mairon’s brow and giving him a wry little smile. “And why you want to stick around when you never did before."

It was a good question that Mairon had asked himself several times before and to which he hadn't been able to find a satisfying answer so far. "Are you kidding?" he thus joked. "You are quite useful to have around, smartie. Otherwise, I'd actually have to pay some dumb tech guy to do the actual work in bringing my weird-ass projects to life. This way, I just have to give you an occasional blow job and you build everything I could ever want. It's the best deal ever!"

His last word got muffled by the pillow that Tyelpë had grabbed from under his own head and had thrown into his face with a snort and a reluctantly amused expression on his own. “I think I need to up the price!” Tyelpë said and started to wriggle out from under him.

Mairon laughed and rolled to the side and onto his back. "Mhmmm, I am open for negotiations. What do you have in mind?" he asked playfully. Tyelpë shot him an amused glance but actually got out of bed.

“I’ll think about that in the shower. But don’t worry, I _will_ think of something.”

"Fuck, please do," Mairon gave back with a suggestive grin, giving his boyfriend's naked backside an appreciative glance. "Want some company in the shower?"

“No,” Tyelpë said pointedly and reached out to lightly pinch Mairon’s toes in passing. “Or we’ll never be done and I have more things to do today.”

Mairon made a playfully offended sound, but Tyelpë was already out the door, laughing quietly. With a content sigh, Mairon rolled over, reaching for his phone. He had a new text message and only now he remembered that he had woken up because the phone had been buzzing. 

It was from Maedhros.

_I’ve been wondering. Are visits still forbidden or is that petering out now?_

Huh. Mairon weighed his phone in his hand, reading the short message again, then again. The few words sent a mixture of conflicting emotions through him - excitement, curiosity, alarmed concern, the familiar pang of arousal and, just as quickly, a sting of guilt. The last time he and Maedhros had texted had been the day they had learned that Melkor would actually go to prison for a long time - which was, ironically, the same day he had met Tyelpë. And over the course of the past months, the thought had come up again and again whether he should actually tell Maedhros about it, but he had always refrained from doing so for a multitude of reasons. 

His gaze involuntarily went to the door through which Tyelpë had left, before he typed back.

_I suppose your husband would know better than I do._

And then, after a brief moment of hesitation, he added,

_Why, is this some sort of booty call?_

For a while, Mairon kept staring at his phone, but it didn’t seem like Maedhros had his own in hand at the moment. No reply came for a couple of minutes, and finally he heard the faint rush of the water stopping in the shower. Mairon hurried to make the window with the conversation disappear, then put down his phone and pretended to be as untroubled as before when Tyelpë came back into the room with a towel wrapped around his hips. He bent down to Mairon to press a kiss to his lips.

“I’ll be in the kitchen, getting started on coffee.”

“Okay, I’ll go shower,” Mairon replied absent-mindedly and headed for the bathroom. His mind was racing, and as the hot water was rushing down on him, he was trying to sort his thoughts.

If Maedhros wanted to visit him, this was probably also about sex in some way - right? And if he was right about it, what the fuck was he supposed to tell him? _Sorry, but I’m fucking your youngest brother now_ ? _Depends, are you still open to threesomes and inter-family relations?_ The ideas made him chuckle and cringe at the same time. Maedhros would _kill_ him if he found out, that was for sure. He probably should have told him, and he definitely should have told Tyelpë, but for some reason he seemed to have missed the optimal point in time for that.

Still in thoughts, he headed back from the bathroom in direction of the kitchen. He heard Tyelpë’s voice, so Galadriel was probably back already. Unconcerned of the fact that he was only wearing a towel himself - Galadriel was definitely no stranger to the sight of him half-naked in Tyelpë’s and her apartment - Mairon opened the door and walked in. Only to freeze right where he stood.

There by the counters, getting passed a mug of coffee and talking to Mairon’s boyfriend, was Maedhros.

***

After a whole week of workshop up in the Misty Mountains near Khazad-dûm, breakfast had still been fun, yet everyone had felt wiped enough that one after the other, they had all trickled out earlier than Maedhros had expected to start their journeys back home. So at around ten, he was already done with everything as well, the half hour train ride carrying him from the city in the mountains down to Eregion by the rivers.

Around midday, he had said to Tyelpë, and when he arrived at the apartment complex, it was just past eleven - close enough, Maedhros figured and went up the stairs, bag slung over his shoulder.

He wasn’t sure yet how the weekend here was going to pan out. All he knew so far was that he was going to head back home around midday tomorrow, and that he was visiting Tyelpë, who he had not seen since his youngest brother had come home for a week between his previous two semesters.

Maedhros still wasn’t sure how to feel about that text he had sent Mairon.

Or about what Fingon had said to him before he had left a week ago.

_“So,” Fingon asked out of the blue, watching Maedhros pack his climbing equipment while lounging comfortably on the bed, “are you planning to see Mairon when you’re in Eregion?”_

_He’d be lying if he claimed that he hadn’t thought about the fact that he was going to be there - both of them. But Maedhros only gave his husband a small, wry smile and said, “Probably not.”_

_“Mhm,” Fingon hummed thoughtfully. “Pity.”_

_Maedhros glanced back over, his eyebrows drawn up in surprise. “Huh?”_

_He found Fingon grinning at him. “Wouldn’t you be curious to know whether he’s still the same? If you can still make him weak in the knees when you’re in the room, if he’s still that eager to do everything you want him to if you just touch him.” He bit his lips and paused pointedly. “Well… to be honest, I am.”_

_Oh stars. Maedhros let out a breath that was half amusement and half disbelief, shaking his head with the corners of his mouth twitching while he looked at Fingon. “You’re impossible, you know that?” But now that the idea was on the table, it was just as impossible not to think about it. “We could… Maybe we could go visit him soon, if he’s up for it.”_

_“Hm, I’d like that,” Fingon said lightly. “Just… I guess I just wanted to say, when you’re in Eregion_ ** _now_** _and you feel like seeing him, I wouldn’t mind, Nelyo.” He gave him a mischievous grin. “Of course if you did, I’d like to hear everything about it later.”_

_It was the strangest thing to hear from his husband’s lips. Not because Maedhros was truly surprised that this was how Fingon felt, but still…_

_Instinctively, he shook his head, sitting down on the ground next to his bag. “No… no, I don’t - come on, not without you.”_

_Fingon just laughed gently. “Aw, you should see your face.” Yet despite his teasing words, he came down from the bed, knelt on the ground next to him and kissed him affectionately. “Don’t worry… I’m not trying to hook you up, baby. I guess I just… I just wanted you to know I’d be okay with it. But if you don’t feel like it, that’s perfectly fine, too.”_

_Gratefully, Maedhros leaned into the touch on his cheek, tipping his forehead against Fingon’s. A smile flickered over his lips. “I can’t imagine doing this without you. But… you’re an absolute legend, you know that, right?”_

_“Of course I know,” Fingon said and smirked at him. “Do you think I’d even consider sharing you with anyone if I wasn’t absolutely certain you’d end up back in my bed anyway, hot stuff?”_

_“Mhm, as if there’s any chance for that ever,” Maedhros smirked back, curled his fingers into Fingon’s shirt and pulled him close for another kiss._

He still didn’t want to do that without Fingon. Not really. But of course he still _thought_ about it - how could he not, with his husband specifically having told him that he’d be completely fine if he went out and had sex again with Mairon.

But maybe he was overthinking it and Mairon would tell him he didn’t have time anyway, for whatever reason. Or maybe he wouldn't even want to anymore. Maedhros remembered that he should probably check his phone for an answer just when the door in front of him opened and Tyelpë stood before him in shorts and t-shirt, his hair damp and his eyes widening as he saw him.

“Hi! Oohh hi,” he added with a wide grin Maedhros immediately knew the cause of, and he rolled his eyes with a wry, good-natured smile.

“Yes, go ahead, make your old-person joke like everyone else.”

“No no, it looks good on you! Very hipster,” Tyelpë grinned, visibly taking in the black rim glasses Maedhros had taken to wearing a couple of months ago. “I didn’t expect you for, like, another hour," he said then, pulled Maedhros into a warm hug and ushered him inside.

“Sorry about that, things ended a little early. I hope it’s no problem.”

“No! Not at all. Come in, I’m just making coffee,” his younger brother smiled, and Maedhros put his bag down in the hall and followed him into the kitchen while Tyelpë kept talking to him. “Galadriel left some time earlier, Annatar’s taking a shower -”

“Ohh, that means I get to meet the boyfriend?” Maedhros grinned delightedly, glancing around the apartment they had helped him move into over a year ago. It surely looked more lived in now, still not very messy - but Tyelpë had never been the messiest of the brothers, not by a long shot. That one went to Celegorm, and still no one in the family understood why Curufin - the exact opposite - tolerated his company the most. It was interesting to see how Tyelpë’s rather modern, minimalistic style intermingled with Galadriel’s warm and colourful one.

“Yes, I suppose that means you get to meet the boyfriend.” Tyelpë was smiling wryly when Maedhros glanced back at him, waiting for the coffee to finish pouring into two mugs. It had been nearly two months ago when his youngest brother had texted him, and Maedhros was still proud of the fact that he had been the very first of the family Tyelpë had told that he had gotten together with someone, just like how Tyelpë had come to him first with the fact that he was gay.

“Excellent. Fin sends his love, by the way.” Maedhros leaned against the counter with his hip, enjoying the smell of coffee that was starting to emerge from the machine, the mugs filling.

“Aw thank you. How is everyone back home? Mum and dad?” Tyelpe added after a moment’s hesitation and Maedhros gave him a small smile. After at least five years of mounting tension, fights and estrangement, their parents had finally gotten that divorce, something they had all seen coming for a long time.

“Mum’s just fine, honestly. Dad… I don’t know, he’s… I think Curvo can give you a better answer than I can,” he finally admitted a little evasively. Fëanor held grudges exceptionally well even in his own family, and though they were back on perfectly civil speaking terms, Maedhros knew that his father still hadn’t entirely forgiven him for having dropped out of the company.

Tyelpë nodded and stayed quiet for a moment, watching the coffee filling the mugs. But then he took a deep breath, let it out and smiled back at Maedhros.

“Alright, so tell me how your week up in the mountains was,” he said and reached for the mugs, passing one over. “Did anyone give you any trouble?”

And Maedhros already had a reply on the tip of his tongue, a smile on his face, but just in that moment, Mairon somehow appeared in the doorframe, shower-damp and clad in a towel, and everything froze. It was so absurd that Maedhros’ mind wasn’t even able to process right away what he was seeing, unable to join those two entirely separate entities and parts of his life into this same reality. And Tyelpë was saying something, but for the life of him, Maedhros had no idea what it was. His gaze was trained on Mairon whose green eyes were widened in utter surprise, yet there was a nervous, guilty flicker in them Maedhros remembered all too well.

But before he could react, Mairon did, stumbling backwards and out of the kitchen.

Maedhros was moving before he had made the rational decision to do so, unable to react to Tyelpë’s confused, “Nelyo…?”

Annatar… of course, he’d have a different name, _of course_ . And now he was here and… _‘My boyfriend,’_ Tyelpë’s voice echoed in his ear, and a chaotic, black rage rose up in Maedhros’ chest.

He had fully expected to be too late, that Mairon would have locked himself up in bath- or bedroom by now. But he was there in the hall, just standing there with his back to him, frozen, but flinching when he heard him coming right after him.

“Maedhros…” 

Instead of appeasing him, the guilty undertone in his voice seemed to aggravate Maedhros even further and he did not hesitate to close his hand around Mairon’s bare upper arm like a vice to drag him back to the kitchen. He only let go of him again once he could push him inside and block the door, his heart hammering a racing, angry beat in his chest that vibrated everywhere under his skin.

“How about you explain what the _fuck_ you’re playing at here, _Annatar_.”

For a second, Mairon’s gaze flicked over to Tyelpë who was still standing in front of the kitchen counter, looking utterly puzzled. Then he closed his eyes, exhaling audibly.

“Aw, _fuck_.”

“What - what’s going on?” Tyelpë looked so completely lost, and yet it didn’t put a dent into Maedhros’ anger at all - quite the opposite, in fact. His whole body was _trembling_ with anger.

“You should ask your _boyfriend_.”

There was a glint of anger in Mairon’s eyes as well when he opened them again. “Calm the fuck down, will you? What are you even _doing_ here?”

Maedhros felt his jaw clenching so hard that he had to take a moment to consciously try and relax it at least a little before he could even speak, the words coming out in a low growl. “Visiting my brother.”

Stars, there was so much running through his mind in a jumbled mess that it was hard to even think straight, questions and theories tumbling over each other. Hands clenched to fists at his sides.

“What the _fuck_ , Mairon?”

He heard Mairon sharpy take in his breath at the name and glare at him. “What the fuck _what_ , Maedhros? You knew I was _studying_ here, you knew I was _living_ here, did you actually think I would not have a fucking _life_ here?”

“Oh, I know you have a _life_ ,” Maedhros spat out. Fuck did he _know_ . “And what you chose to do with it was none of my business _until you involved my brother in it_ . What does _he_ know about you, huh? Anything?”

“Guys… what the fuck, what is this?” Tyelpë’s voice was sounding a little shaky. “You know each other? What’s with - why _Mairon_ , what - ? What’s _going on_?”

“You know the fucking idea of witness protection is that I _shouldn’t_ throw my former name or identity in people’s faces?” Mairon hissed, Tyelpë’s confusion only seeming to aggravate him as well. “And I _would_ have told him, but preferably _not like this,_ thank you very much!!”

“ _Annatar!_ ” Before Maedhros had even opened his mouth again for a reply, Tyelpë had interrupted him, having reached to grip Mairon’s arm to make him look at him. “Witness protection? Former -” And then, suddenly, he blanched, looked at Maedhros and then back at Mairon. “You’re -”

“The guy that helped save your brother’s ass even if he’s being a complete jerk about it right now?” Mairon spat, looking completely annoyed. “Yeah, that one.”

Fuck, if only that was all it was about. But it wasn’t.

“And were you also planning to tell him the rest of the story?” Maedhros wanted to know, having a hard time keeping his voice even _somewhat_ calm. “As his _boyfriend_?”

Mairon crossed his arms in front of his chest, giving Maedhros a stubborn look and remaining silent, only inflaming that anger in Maedhros’ chest again.

“Fine,” he growled, heart racing, stomach queasy, yet he wasn’t going to let him get away with this. Not when his little brother’s heart was on the line. “Tyelpë, remember when me and Fin were here to help you move in?”

There was a pause, charged with tension during which Maedhros and Mairon simply stared at each other, before Tyelpë said, his voice tight, “Yes.”

“That night we ran into Mairon here, who was on the prowl. And we took him home with us because, you know, one of the reasons he _helped save my ass_ in the first place was that we’d been having sex pretty much every day in that damn basement.”

Mairon raised his eyebrows at him derisively, his voice still all defensive. “So what is this now… jealousy? Disappointment that I didn’t jump right to your heel at your booty call from this morning, or whatever that text message was supposed to be?”

Another hot flash of anger, but this time it wasn’t only that. Maedhros still didn’t know what exactly he would have done if it had come to it, and that thought alone was enough to turn his stomach now.

“Oh, that’s rich.” He let out a breath that could have been a huff, if all that wasn’t still raging in him. “Have you been expecting one?”

Mairon snorted. “I haven’t heard from you in _months_ , so clearly, no.”

“And then you found the perfect way to attract my attention. Or are you going to tell me that’s not what this is?”

 _Tell me that’s not what it is, fucking tell me it’s not,_ Maedhros could only chant in his head because that, in the end, was the one thing he was scared of most about all of this.

But before any answer was forthcoming, movement out of the corner of his eye drew his attention, and already Tyelpë was shoving himself past Maedhros and out of the kitchen. For the briefest moment, he caught a look on his face Maedhros had never before seen on his youngest brother.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Mairon muttered, attempting to follow him. And even though Maedhros’ first impulse was the same, he clenched his jaw and remained where he was, listening to the quick steps, his brother’s tight, quiet, “ _Don’t!_ ” and then the sound of a door opening and falling shut again. An exasperated groan and then footsteps, Mairon reappearing in the kitchen door.

“Congratulations, well done,” he snapped sarcastically at Maedhros, whose hand shot out immediately and closed around the younger man’s forearm again, pulling him close so he could look him right in the eyes.

He had to fucking _know_.

“Don’t you _dare_ tell me this is a coincidence. That this has and never had anything to do with me and you.”

He could see Mairon’s eyes widen at the touch. There was still a lot of anger, but he had seen him turned on too often not to notice that treacherous spark in his eyes. 

“I - It’s not what you _think_ it is, all right?”

“Isn’t it?” His stomach was churning again, but at the same time, a strange sort of focused calm pushed away nearly everything else. “Well, I’m here now,” he said, his voice lower now, but still with that edge. Stars, it was impossible not to get sucked into those green eyes. “I’m sure you can explain to me exactly what this _really_ is about.”

Mairon swallowed, raising his chin just a little. “What makes you think I owe _you_ an explanation?”

"You _do_ owe one," Maedhros growled, his hand tightening just a little around Mairon's arm. "And since you refused to give it to my brother, I'm all ears."

“Fuck. I _would_ have told him… but you made him run off before I had the chance,” Mairon said between clenched teeth. Taking a deep, shaky breath, he added a little unwillingly, “Anyway, there’s no _story_ here. He walked into my tutorial, being smart and sexy and I wanted him. We dated, we fucked, we somehow got stuck with each other. Classic, really.”

Maedhros let out an angry huff, his eyes boring into Mairon's. "Oh yes, the most classic story ever. It was never some weird conquest game, his name had nothing to do with it.”

He had not been blind the last time they had seen each other, how clear Mairon had made it that the last thing on his mind had been a _relationship_. Not that Maedhros had blamed him back then, after everything that had happened to him, and he would not have stepped in about anything Mairon chose to do with other people.

But he was not going to stand by if Mairon chose to play his games with Maedhros’ _family_. No, he was going to find out exactly what Mairon was playing at.

“And I guess the thought never crossed your mind that I would find out, hm? That I would come down here to set you little brat straight? And I suppose you wouldn't like me to grab you right now, hold you against the kitchen counter and fuck you until you begged me to let you come,” he added, his voice low and almost quiet between them. “Would you?”

Mairon bit his lower lip and looked away, but not so quickly that Maedhros would not have not caught the familiar flash of arousal in his eyes.

“Maedhros…”

Fuck. _Fuck this._

The mere thought that he could be right, that Tyelpë had not been more than a nice distraction for Mairon let a fresh wave of anger well up in Maedhros' chest. Because this surely did _not_ apply to Tyelpë as well. So he would keep pushing, lowering his head so he could speak right next to Mairon's ear. Knowing what this - the proximity, the intense focus, the overbearing presence, the sound of his voice so close - had always done to him.

"I'm right, am I not."

Maedhros could have predicted each of the Mairon’s reactions, the shiver that ran over his naked skin, how he sharply drew in his breath. He would just have to reach up and put a hand on his throat to feel his madly thumping pulse. 

“No,” Mairon said eventually, looking back to him. “No, you don’t… fuck, Mae, please stop doing this.” He took a deep breath. “I can’t think straight when you’re like this and you know that damn well.”

Yes, he did know, and the admission was enough to deflate some of that anger. No matter what, Maedhros would never disregard Mairon's boundaries, so he unwrapped his fingers from the younger man's arm and took a step back, though his heart was still racing.

Maybe it was impossible for it not to, seeing the effect he _still_ had on him.

Mairon exhaled slowly, yet he remained where he was, his eyes fixed on Maedhros, his arms crossed protectively over his chest. “Thank you. All right, of course I was sort of thrilled because he was your brother. It might have been why I slept with him, but it had nothing to do with why I _stayed_ with him.”

Slowly and deliberately, Maedhros let out a long, silent breath, studying the young man he was still so familiar with despite not having seen him in quite a while. A part of him still wanted to riot at what he was hearing, but another had done what was doubtlessly important to Mairon and had latched onto the last part of what he had said.

Three months now, more or less, if he remembered correctly what Tyelpë had told him. Long, for someone with such disdain for relationships, but not long enough that it had to mean anything.

Without having been prompted by anything, Maedhros' gaze flickered down over Mairon's body. Mh… there was a faint mark low on his juncture between shoulder and neck.

Somehow, during all this, the towel had managed to cling to Mairon's hips. Yet it hung low, and Mairon's chest was still bare, only his arms crossed over it.

Maedhros turned his gaze away.

"Get dressed. But we're not done here."

Mairon gave him a look that was hard to interpret, but left the kitchen wordlessly. And finally, with a deep breath, Maedhros leaned back against the kitchen counter and rubbed a hand over his face.

This was so far away from anything he had imagined his visit to go. He hoped Tyelpë was alright, even though he was sure that he had simply needed some space to work through everything he had heard. And of course he wished that none of it would have happened in the first place, certainly not like _this._

Finally managing to calm his anger and guilt down - because of course that was a big part too, one that had only fuelled the anger - he reached for the mug of coffee again he must have put down before going after Mairon. It was still warm even if he couldn't really enjoy it anymore, his mind still racing with everything he had learned and everything he still didn't know.

It took a couple of minutes until Mairon returned, wearing jeans and a simple black t-shirt. He was barefoot, his blond hair still wet from the shower, and he gave Maedhros a sulky look. It was one he had seen countless times in bed - usually when Mairon wanted something he had been denied, but was not willing to challenge Maedhros directly for it.

“I need coffee for this,” Mairon muttered, searching for another mug.

"Tyelpë left his," Maedhros replied much more levelly than he had been before, took up the mug that was still entirely full and held it out to Mairon.

“Hum,” Mairon replied but accepted the mug, taking a long sip and sighing. “Much better.” Then he looked at Maedhros, raising his eyebrows. “What’s with the glasses?”

"What do you think? I'm getting old," Maedhros snarked back, still not having been able to entirely shake off feeling on edge.

He saw the tiniest flash of amusement in Mairon’s eyes. “For what it’s worth, they don’t make you _look_ old. Just… ah, never mind.” He took another sip from his mug. “All right, feel free to continue grilling me at any time.”

Maedhros let out a soft huff, able to guess what Mairon might have said. He appreciated that he hadn't.

For a long moment, Maedhros only studied him, trying to read the younger man's expression, his body language, anything that would help him piece all this together.

"You and Tyelpë were in a tutorial together," he said eventually, resolving to start at the beginning with detailing what Mairon had previously said.

“He was in _my_ tutorial,” Mairon corrected him immediately, with no small amount of pride. “I taught a programming course as a complement to a lecture and Tyelpë showed up there.”

Huh. Maedhros was pretty sure surprise was visible on his face, though not because he doubted Mairon's words. Quite the opposite - he felt a hint of warmth rise up in his chest that felt a little like pride, making the corners of his mouth twitch. He raised his mug to take a sip of coffee.

Mairon looked at him, snorting a little. “Surprised the little tramp has other skills than just the ones in the bedroom, huh?”

"Don't be ridiculous," Maedhros returned, but this time, there was no edge to his voice. He lowered his mug, his gaze never leaving Mairon's. "You might be lacking in people skills sometimes and I wouldn't have thought you had the patience for teaching anything to anyone, but I always knew you were more intelligent than almost everyone I've ever met."

Mairon gave him a skeptical look, though the corner of his mouth was twitching. “You took that from my witty comments or the intelligent way I suck cock with?”

"Take your pick," Maedhros muttered with a huff and turned back to his coffee. "My father is a genius with even less people skills, Curvo is barely different. I know what that looks like." He paused and then let out a soft sigh. "Tyelpë has both."

Mairon’s features softened visibly when Maedhros mentioned Tyelpë. “Mhm. Little whiz made all the IT guys look bad in a couple of sessions.”

Maedhros could just imagine that he had. The thought of him gave rise again to this mix of guilt and worry, though he had no doubt that Tyelpë would return once he was ready.

"And what then?" he finally turned his gaze back to Mairon, eyes narrowing a little. "He was an itch you really had to scratch?"

“Well, he isn’t here, obviously,” Mairon said after a moment of hesitation, “but if he were, he’d insist that it was the other way around and I’d object as a matter of principle.” He drank some more coffee. “Let’s just say your kid brother knows surprisingly well what he wants and how to get it. Must run in the family somehow.”

Well, shit. Maedhros briefly closed his eyes and took a deep breath, unsure just what to feel about this tidbit of information, if it had indeed been the way Mairon had just described it. Pride, unease, respect, wariness all battled for dominance. Running in the family indeed.

"Are you telling me he, what? Seduced you?"

Mairon rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t put it like _that_. He was… smart and he was interested, and just had tons of follow-up questions even after the tutorials were over. The intelligent ones, not bullshit like ‘what’s going to be on the test’. Obviously I felt flattered. I asked whether he wanted to discuss more over coffee, he suggested we buy dinner together, I invited him to join me at the science fair. He kissed me first, I asked him whether he wanted to come home with me after the midterms party.” Mairon shrugged, seemingly unphased, yet Maedhros could see that he was blushing faintly. “Sappy college romance by the book. Until today, that is.”

For a long moment, Maedhros merely stared at him. He could _see_ that he was being serious about what he said, with that little blush and the way he didn't quite meet his gaze. Yet it was hard to believe.

"Sappy college romance," he finally repeated flatly. "From the one who only ever rolled his eyes at the thought of romance and committed relationships."

Mairon made some sort of unintelligible noise and buried his face in the coffee mug, and Maedhros almost wanted to smile. His thoughts, however, were still whirling, and it was hard to identify what exactly he was feeling about this.

He raised his hand and rubbed it over his face, letting out a sigh, but then focused his gaze on Mairon again, and it was impossible to entirely ban the doubt from his voice when he spoke again.

"Is that what this is? A romance?”

“You should ask Tyelpë what _this_ is, he most definitely made the call on that one.” Mairon grinned a bit bashfully. “Basically… he refuses to leave and I haven’t asked him to.”

“Why not?” This was maybe the most important of all the questions, and Maedhros never took his eyes off Mairon. “I’m not asking him right now, I’m asking you. And I’m much more certain about his feelings than yours.”

“Guess that makes two of us,” Mairon snapped, and Maedhros crossed his arms over his chest, just looking at the younger man for a long time. He remembered well enough that he had always been able to make him squirm just like this, and he didn’t expect that to have changed. And he was right - Mairon broke their gaze first, apparently looking for something at the bottom of his coffee mug. So after a moment, Maedhros spoke up again.

“Does he call you his boyfriend?”

“Mhm. Yeah.”

“What do you call him?”

“Um. I guess it…” Now Mairon was indeed squirming visibly. “… hasn’t really come up yet?”

Maedhros’ eyes narrowed but the tone in his voice didn’t change. “Has he asked you about meeting his family yet?”

Mairon snorted. “Hah, that he has. And I thought I had come up with some really good excuses, yet it would seem he just _made_ it happen.”

“And you didn’t see it coming?” Maedhros let out a soft huff, shaking his head. “You _knew_ it would happen. When did you plan on telling him?”

“Plan?” That made Mairon laugh a little, although it was a rather humorless sound. With an exasperated sigh, he let his head fall back against the cupboard behind him. “Fuck, do I really look like I _planned_ any of this? I didn’t plan for this to actually lead to anything and I surely didn’t plan to care for him this much, it just… happened, okay?”

It sure had. Mairon’s all but blatant admission that all this must have been just another game for him right at the start was enough to fuel that anger again that had only just calmed down.

“You know, maybe it’s some terrible irony that we’re talking about my youngest brother here, but I suppose it’s fitting that he’s the one to prove you wrong. And it serves you right.”

“Prove me wrong how?” Mairon grumbled.

"On relationships," Maedhros growled, because that Mairon had indeed developed feelings of his own was impossible to miss even if he avoided saying so. "And that your little game got turned around on you and you couldn't ditch him the way you planned."

“Stars, I didn’t _plan to_ _ditch_ him just because I didn’t make plans for a long-term relationship with him the moment he walked through the fucking door,” Mairon snapped at him. “So what if I only wanted to hook up with him at first. I don’t exactly remember getting a proposal from you either before you fucked me.”

"Yeah, well, when we met, you hadn't already fucked a brother of mine before," Maedhros snapped back in irritation.

“Huh,” Mairon was quick on the comeback, something taunting flashing in his eyes. “Are you actually jealous? Or would you have just liked for me to come to you and ask your permission? Is that it?”

“I would have liked for you to not get my brother in a situation that would hurt him,” Maedhros shot back, his voice rising a little from the relatively calm level it had had before. The answer was immediate and instinctive, and it was true. To figure out whether or not he might even be a little jealous was not something Maedhros had even had the time for yet.

“Fine, yeah, we can agree on that,” Mairon growled, quickly checking his phone and putting it back into the back pocket of his jeans with a sigh. Maedhros half turned away and drank the rest of his coffee that had, by now, turned cold. Silence settled between them while he put the mug down and then stared out of the window, still - even after this talk - no closer to having figured out his confusing tangle of feelings than before.

“Would you have wanted him if he hadn’t been my brother?” was what he finally said, turning back to Mairon who was silent for a long moment.

“I like to tell myself that I would have, but….” he shrugged just a little, “to be fair, I don’t think I can give you an honest account of what I would or would not have done three months ago. I don’t think I care about it today.” He looked over at Maedhros. “You have the same eyes, it’s… not exactly easy to ignore.”

For a moment, Maedhros only looked back at him, trying to imagine it. What it might be like. But eventually he let out a small breath and shook his head.

“Look… I don’t want to be some sort of spectre in your and my brother’s relationship, if that’s truly what you’re after. You’ve got to figure out if you can separate us in your head _and_ in your heart. And if you can’t, you should end it before you hurt him even more.”

“Well, except for the eyes, the two of are not that similar.” Mairon put down his mug as well, giving Maedhros a long look. “And I will not end anything, not if he doesn’t. But don’t worry, I believe that chances are quite good that he’ll dump me now in any case.”

A quiet sigh escaped Maedhros, and he reached up to take his glasses off, put them down on the counter and rub his eyes with thumb and forefinger. Stars, if Mairon was actually serious about it, why hadn’t he seen this coming, why hadn’t he realized that this was a crash just waiting to happen?

“I don’t think you should say that just yet,” he finally said and glanced at Mairon again for a long moment. And then he let out another sigh. “Mairon… I do want you to be happy. To have something like this. I did tell you that you would, and I want to feel smug about being right but I’ll reserve that for when all of this is sorted. I wouldn’t - I won’t lie, this isn’t easy for me either, but I would never begrudge you this sort of happiness.”

"Aw fuck, what a mess," Mairon sighed. "I knew this would backfire at some point, you know? But I just… there was never a good moment to tell him, not with all the new identity bullshit attached and then at some point it felt too late to tell him." He gave Maedhros a rueful smile. "Maybe I _should_ have told you."

"I would have preferred that to what happened now," Maedhros returned but found himself unable to be all that angry anymore. Worry was starting to become the predominant feeling now, and he studied Mairon again. "I suppose I could have reacted a little more rationally then too."

"Do you, hm?" Mairon replied slowly. "Well, I thought about it at first. Occasionally. But I admit… I might've had a different kind of reaction in mind."

Maedhros threw the younger man a warning glance, arms crossing over his chest. "I hope we're not talking in a sex fantasy kind of way."

The look in Mairon's eyes told him he had hit the nail on the head. Yet the young man just shrugged in a slightly apologetic way.

"Look, Mae… I can pretend that I have no more sexual interest in you whatsoever from one day to the other if that's what you prefer." He hesitated for a short moment. "But so far I always had the feeling that you'd prefer me to be honest and open about what I feel. Has that changed?"

What a mess indeed. The longer Maedhros had time to truly realize the situation now that the first shock and anger was over, the more of an impossible one it really seemed. He had told Mairon that he shouldn’t be too sure about Tyelpë’s reaction, but the more time passed, the more he was worried about it. And the more he was also worried about what this meant for _him_ instead of only what it meant for Tyelpë.

“Considering where not being honest has gotten us… let’s go with the honesty,” he sighed, bringing up his hand to drag it through his hair.

Mairon nodded, reaching up as well to rub his eyes. "Okay. So… let's say I admit that I have messed up. How do I get out of this?"

The question brought the flicker of a smile onto Maedhros' lips. That was a good first step. But the question was valid, and before he answered, Maedhros pondered it since, in a way, it applied to him just as much.

"I suppose we can only wait until he's ready to talk to us and then explain to the best of our abilities how this situation developed in the first place," was what he finally said.

"Can't say that I like the suggestion, but I can't think of anything better," Mairon sighed and then gave Maedhros a tentative, wry grin. "And how do I get back on your good side without the usual set of tricks?"

When it came down to it, Maedhros realized that he felt good about the fact that Mairon still sought to be in his good graces, and he couldn’t help wondering what that meant considering the circumstances. He wasn’t quite able to smile back this time, needing to shut his mind off from what Mairon’s usual set of tricks contained.

This was not about them anymore, couldn’t be. Not now that Tyelpë had entered the equation.

“I need you to be fair and considerate to my brother,” was what he finally said, holding Mairon’s beautiful green eyes. “He had no way of knowing what he was getting himself into. It’s really all that matters right now.”

Mairon nodded slowly. “I really don’t want to lose him over this.” He looked up at Maedhros, a clearly unhappy expression in his eyes. “I also don’t want you to leave here and still be angry with me.”

It was impossible not to soften further at the words because Maedhros knew that Mairon was being honest. Despite the way they teased or aggravated each other more often than not, there was always that one thing underlining their whole relationship: the hardship they had gone through together, and the support they had been to each other in a crucial moment of their lives, and the deep care for each other that had resulted from it.

So Maedhros finally crossed the distance between them and lightly grasped Mairon’s shoulders in his hands, firmly looking into his eyes.

“Listen to me. You have come incredibly far from the young man I met in that basement. You came out of a terrible situation and turned your whole life around. That’s an extraordinary achievement and I’m fiercely proud of you. Alright?” His hands tightened their grasp in a gentle, encouraging squeeze. “Everyone makes mistakes, that’s just the way of the world. Now fix them. I expect you to, because I know your strength, and I know your heart is just where it’s supposed to be.”

“Hm,” Mairon made, his voice treacherously choked up, and then impulsively wrapped his arms around him, his face buried against his shoulder. Maedhros returned the gesture without hesitation, one hand lightly cupping the back of Mairon’s head, fingers brushing through his hair. And he could feel how almost immediately, some of the tension seemed to leave Mairon’s body, his breath exhaling in a soft sigh.

They stood like this for a few long moments until Mairon sobered up, withdrawing from Maedhros’ embrace.

“I guess I better go now.”

“Alright.” Maedhros just studied him and then gave him a small encouraging smile. “Chin up, okay?”

“Okay,” Mairon said, giving him the tiniest of smiles. “I texted him before that I’d like to talk and that he should let me know when he feels up for that. But… maybe you could text me when he’s back? I won’t come over until he asks me to,” he added hastily, “just… I think I would just like to _know_ that he’s back.”

“I’ll text you once I’ve talked to him,” Maedhros promised and Mairon nodded, looking grateful yet still worried. He didn’t say anything more, just gave him another quick smile and then vanished from the kitchen. Maedhros listened to the sounds of him bustling around for a few moments longer, and then the door opening and closing, sending the apartment into silence.

Every word he had just said to Mairon was true. And whatever happened with Tyelpë now, he would still always feel connected to the younger man’s life. There would always be pride or worry or happiness for him and where his decisions led him. Even disregarding their chemistry, he would never be able to stop caring for him, and on his part, that was probably the most important thing he’d have to do his damned best to explain to Tyelpë.

***

After having left the apartment, it didn’t even feel real anymore. It was so beautiful outside, not even too hot yet, the sun shining warmly onto Tyelpë's back as he walked without thinking about where he was going, his heart racing so hard in his chest that it physically hurt.

That really could only have been a crazy dream, could it? There was no way… just… no way…

The Mírdain’s campus wasn’t far away, the way there so instinctual that Tyelpë found himself having walked it just like he always did for classes. A few students were milling about, sitting together or alone under trees, on blankets or benches, though it was noticeably more quiet than during semester.

Had this really just _happened_?

A girl passing him was looking at him a little strangely, and Tyelpë turned away from the paved path and onto the grass, keeping his head down. The last thing he wanted right now was to meet anyone he knew, unsure if he’d even be able to get one word out. Last night… this morning… everything had been okay. Normal.

Tyelpë sucked in a deep, shaky breath and hid himself away against the base of a wide tree trunk facing away from everyone he could see, knees pulled close, arms wrapped around his torso.

 _The one who gave you his phone. Do you think he’s alright?_ he could remember asking Maedhros years ago in the hospital, and it just couldn’t… it _couldn’t_ …

For a while he simply sat there, staring into space, trying to wrap his head around it. But his mind felt frozen, still in that state of shock, and he simply couldn’t force it to work. He needed to somehow… for someone to tell him…

A thought crossed his mind, and Tyelpë felt around for his phone, a sense of relief filling him when he indeed found it in his pocket. Right… yes, he had put it there before he’d gone into the kitchen. The moment the screen lit up though, his heart plummeted into his gut, a message from Annatar waiting for him.

_‘I’m so sorry. Can we talk?’_

For a moment he just stared at it, then swiped it aside, opened his contacts and dialed the number he’d been looking for.

It took a moment before someone picked up and he heard a familiar voice answer.

“Tyelpë? Hey, everything okay?”

In the first moment, he couldn’t even get anything out. In the next, he let out something that was half an exhale, half an, “Umm…”

There was a short pause on the other end of the line. Then, “What is it? What’s _happened_?” And before Tyelpë even had the chance to reply, “Is Nelyo all right?”

Fingon sounded so utterly alarmed that it startled Tyelpë right out of the frozen shock he’d been in.

“Yes… yes, sorry. He’s fine. I just -” he said and bit down hard on his lower lip to anchor himself.

He heard Fingon exhaling audibly on the other end of the line. “Sorry. I just thought… Never mind. Go on.”

Tyelpë realized that he had properly scared Fingon, and he reached up to rub his forehead.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to - He came by a little earlier than he thought and Annatar… my - my boyfriend… he was still showering. Nelyo and I had coffee and… when he came in, all hell broke loose.”

"Okay," Fingon said, clearly not yet understanding where this was going.

Tyelpë swallowed around the lump in his throat. “He said that - he - He’s the one who gave Nelyo his phone. Back in the cellar.”

"Back in… wait, _what_? Your boyfriend is -" Fingon paused and then let out a low whistle. "And Nelyo saw him and went ballistic, is that what happened?"

“Yes,” was the only thing Tyelpë could say, sounding small to his own ears. His free hand was trembling, he realized as his eyes fell down into his lap where it was kneading the hem of his t-shirt.

"Are you with him now?"

“No. I couldn’t… I left when -”

He couldn’t get the words out, they got stuck somewhere on the way from his lungs up to his mouth.

“Tyelpë,” he heard Fingon’s reassuring voice on the other end of the line. “Easy, okay? It’s all right. Where are you right now?”

“Campus.” It was impossible to say more than that. Fingon’s kind voice was shaking something loose in his chest, and only a moment later, tears were spilling down his cheeks and his breath hitched.

“Oh my,” he heard Fingon mutter through the hammering of his heart. “Oh Tyelpë… Stars, I can understand why you’re upset. It’s okay. Just… take a moment and breathe, alright?”

Tyelpë pressed his eyes tightly shut and buried his face in the crook of his arm, trying to do what Fingon had said. Shudders were going through his body and his breath hitched several more times, and a part of him was mortified that he had simply started crying like this with his brother’s husband on the phone, but that didn’t mean he could just stop. Fortunately, his cousin didn’t seem to mind, or at least he didn’t let it show, talking to him soothingly the entire time.

“Are you sitting or can you sit down somewhere?” When Tyelpë made a sound that was some sort of confirmation, he just continued. “Okay, that’s good. Just… go easy. Relax, breathe, let it all out… It’s going to be alright, Tyelpë. I get that it probably doesn’t seem like it right now, but it’s going to be alright.”

Finally, Tyelpë realized that he could breathe a little easier, that the terrible pressure around his chest was letting up a little. He wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt but stayed curled up half around his knees, hand burying in his hair. But at least he felt able to speak again now.

“Is it true what he said? About them? About… when you helped me move in?”

“About…” He heard Fingon pause. “What _who_ said? Your boyfriend?”

“No. Nelyo… I think.” Tyelpë wasn’t actually sure anymore, everything he had heard in that kitchen was more of a haze in his memory than anything else. “Just tell me, please.”

“Okay, so… I don’t know exactly what my dear husband - who was obviously acting _quite_ the diplomat - said,” Fingon said with an exasperated sigh, “but he usually doesn’t lie. And he definitely wouldn’t lie to you.”

Tyelpë knew that, and still he felt a small, tentative hope die in his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut and held his breath just so that it wouldn’t hitch again, desperately trying to sort his mind.

But he couldn’t. How should he ever be able to understand this? It just didn’t make _sense_ , how could this actually have happened?”

“ _Why?_ ”

It was the only thing that seemed to encompass the mess he felt.

He heard Fingon sigh. “I remember asking Nelyo a pretty similar question when I heard that story for the first time. It’s… not easy to understand, I get that. They were in an extreme situation back then, both of them. But… I believe you should hear it from them. They owe that to you… your boyfriend most of all, although you might want to start with Nelyo. That’ll be easier.”

“I - I just don’t understand.” Tyelpë tried again to swallow down that lump in his throat, struggling to put into words what he wanted to know. “If they - And you - Why _me_ , why does this have to happen?”

“Oh boy, what a mess,” Fingon sighed. “And I believe I get only half of it. Tyelpë… do you know where Nelyo is, right now?”

It took him a moment to wrap his mind around the question, still racing as it was around other things. “In my apartment… if he hasn’t left,” Tyelpë finally said, slowly rubbing his tired eyes.

“Okay. I believe you should really go back, talk to him. He’s your big brother after all. And whatever just happened, he’ll always have your back. You know that, don’t you?”

For as long as he could remember, just that fact had been such an unshakable column of the truth of his world, of his whole life, that Tyelpë had never once even thought about it. And even thinking back to the confrontation in the kitchen now, he was certain that Maedhros’ fury had stemmed from a similar source as his own disbelief and shock. And yet right now Tyelpë wasn’t sure how to even look him in the eye again. If he would feel angry, awkward, hurt, disappointed or something else entirely.

Yet he knew well enough that Fingon was right insomuch that the conversation needed to happen, even if all he wanted to do right now was to hide and pretend none of this had ever happened in the first place.

“Yes,” he finally said and took a deep, slow breath, trying to steel himself. “I know.”

“Okay, kid, then I suggest you do just that,” Fingon said, sounding reassuring. “Damn, I get this must be a shock for you but… it’ll work out, I’m sure of that. And if there’s anything I can do to help…”

“Okay,” Tyelpë said quietly. “I’m sorry I just dropped all this on you.”

“You’re _family,”_ Fingon insisted. “And as for your particular branch, you Fëanorians have always attracted drama for some reason. Believe me, I know.” He laughed just a little, but then quickly got serious again. “Honestly, I’m glad you called. I hope it’ll all sort itself out.”

“Mhm. Thanks. Bye, Fin.”

“Bye, Tyelpë,” Fingon said softly and Tyelpë took the phone away from his ear, ending the call. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to get up just yet, so he stayed where he was, curled up on the foot of the tree, staring ahead into nothing.

In the past, he and Fingon had sometimes joked about the way his family seemed particularly drama-prone, and Tyelpë had always been glad that most of the time, the drama didn’t reach him. Maybe because as the youngest with so many already big and colourful personalities around him, he had been able to just blend into the background. And now he had somehow landed himself right in the middle of a true drama episode - just when he had started building his own life, around his own passions and with people who didn’t already know at least one of his brothers already.

Or so he had thought.

***

Mairon had barely left the apartment five minutes ago when Maedhros’ phone started ringing, and he reached for it with a jolt of apprehension.

The name on the screen wasn’t exactly one he had expected right now, but he accepted the call without hesitation, pacing back towards the windows in the kitchen from where he could see part of the street outside.

“Hey Fin.”

"Hey. Guess who I was just on the phone with." But before Maedhros even had the chance to reply, Fingon continued, "That's right, your little brother. Who was crying his eyes out. What the fuck, Nelyo?!"

Well, _shit_.

His heart sinking, Maedhros brought his hand up and rubbed his eyes, guilt rearing its head.

“I didn’t mean to - Fuck. What did he say?”

“Not much, he was rather busy sobbing into his phone,” Fingon said sarcastically. “From what I gathered, his mystery boyfriend turned out to be Mairon which made you snap. Also I strongly suspect that your affair came up. And for whatever reason, our visit to Eregion last year.”

Hearing it like that drove the point home rather effectively that Maedhros might have snapped a little too hard when he had seen Mairon. He sat down gingerly on the edge of the sofa, dragging a hand through his hair.

“I - I thought at first that Mairon was treating this as a sort of… game.”

“You thought? Is he still with you?”

“No, he went home a few minutes ago. But we talked.”

“Okay,” Fingon said with a sigh. “I just sent Tyelpë home to talk to you and I don’t think he would appreciate walking into you… I don’t know, spanking the shit out of that brat or cuddling him because he’s devastated about fucking up or however that shit went down.” When Maedhros wanted to say a something, Fingon interrupted him once more. “I don’t need to know, you can tell me when you come home. Just… take care of your brother, okay? He’s in a pretty devastated state and he doesn’t deserve that.”

“I _know_ that,” Maedhros returned with an edge of irritation, surely brought on by his own agitation. “Fuck, this is the _last_ thing he deserves, and if I’d known… ah fuck,” he let out in a frustrated sigh.

There was a momentary pause and then he heard a sound on the other end of the line that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle.

“And here we are once more back at everyone’s favorite reality TV show ‘Keeping up with the Fëanorians’...”

“ _Fin_ ,” Maedhros groaned mildly, unable to fully keep the corners of his mouth from twitching with the old, familiar joke that often had more truth than he liked.

“Hey, I married into that drama,” Fingon said, and Maedhros could hear that he was back to his usual cheerfulness. “I have full rights to slag as much as I like.”

He surely was right about that, and - as always - he managed to bring a small smile back to Maedhros’ face.

“As if I could stop you. And I’m still waiting for that drama to die down one day, we surely must have had more than our share by now.”

“Ha. Dream on,” Fingon countered. “Okay, as much as I want to know more - I have some work here that needs to be finished. But I expect a detailed report when you come back tomorrow, my raging hothead.”

“You’ll get it,” Maedhros promised, mildly contrite again because Fingon doubtlessly had a point. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you.”

“I love you too, baby. Bye!”

Once Maedhros had hung up, silence fell back over the apartment. He had no idea what to do with himself while waiting for Tyelpë to come home and, even though Fingon had said that he had sent Tyelpë back, he had no idea how much time his brother would actually take. So he cleaned up the coffee mugs and nursed his guilty conscience while he waited.

He should have gone about this differently. Of course he should have, should have kept a cooler head, and he hadn’t needed his husband to tell him that, even though it had driven the point home to hear how devastated Tyelpë was. But that was a flaw he had already been working on for years - not always with success, as this episode proved rather spectacularly.

Now he only hoped that everything could be fixed.

It took almost another hour before he finally heard the key turning inside the lock of the apartment’s front door, and Maedhros got to his feet from the couch. But he didn’t go to greet his brother, rather waiting if he was going to vanish inside his bedroom or seek him out, unwilling to intrude if he didn’t want to see him yet.

But after a few moments filled with soft shuffling from outside, Tyelpë appeared in the doorway.

For a moment, they just stared at each other and Maedhros tried to read anything in his brother’s face that wasn’t exhaustion and defeat. That terrible feeling of guilt surged up again in his chest in a fresh wave and he broke the silence before his brother had the chance to.

“I’m so sorry, Tyelpë. I… jumped to the wrong conclusions and lost my cool in an entirely inappropriate way, and I’m incredibly sorry that you got hurt because of it.”

“I would have gotten hurt either way,” Tyelpë said and walked by him to drop himself down on the other leg of the couch. More than anything, he sounded tired, and Maedhros’ heart ached.

He must have been standing there for a moment too long, because eventually Tyelpë made a vague gesture with his hand and looked up at him again - though only briefly, as Maedhros noted.

"So? What do I need to know?"

What indeed. Maedhros had thought about it the whole time since he had gotten off the phone with Fingon, yet he wasn’t entirely sure what the answer was.

He slowly sat down on his spot on the couch again, mind scrambling for where to start, for what would be important to Tyelpë and what he’d want to disregard.

“I can’t speak for him, he’ll need to tell you about his past himself,” Maedhros finally started, every word deliberate. “But I think it’s fair to say that, in a way - no, not in a way, quite literally - we saved each other’s lives. Those two weeks were a very extreme situation, and I never quite succeeded in explaining even to Fin what exactly happened between us. But the result was that… I care about him a lot, even though he aggravates me nearly every time he opens his mouth.” The next part was a little harder to admit, so Maedhros hesitated a little before making himself say it. “And there has always been a lot of… sexual tension between us.” He watched Tyelpë for signs of how he was taking all this, but his brother was staring at his own knees, not moving a muscle. “But the reason why I reacted the way I did was because in the past, he had… well… not acted or talked in a way that suggested he ever wanted a relationship again. So I jumped to conclusions about his intentions with you. But I was wrong to react like that because this is something between you and him and I shouldn’t have forced all this out into the open like that. And I think I was wrong about his intentions with you too.”

Tyelpë’s eyes flickered in his direction, his arms crossing over his chest. He almost looked like Maedhros remembered him from when he had been younger, curled up in one corner of the couch while around him, the usual mayhem of their family life was happening.

“I know all about your protective mother hen complex,” Tyelpë muttered and Maedhros nearly smiled, but stayed silent and waited for his brother to say more which, after a moment, he did. “And you’re right, you shouldn’t have butted in. I really could have done without knowing that my - that… whatever happened between you happened, but I suppose there was no way around that either way.”

He still wasn’t looking at Maedhros, speaking to his knees, and his voice was tight and quiet, betraying the turmoil he still had to feel. Maedhros wished there was more he could say or do to make this situation any better.

“Tyelpë…”

“So he was your lover, for a time,” his brother interrupted him, his voice a little firmer now, “and he was Melkor’s lover.”

The mere name sent a jolt of fury and hatred through Maedhros’ gut, his fingers twitching briefly in a reflexive need to curl into fists.

“That’s really not for me to talk about,” he replied tersely after a long pause, for the first time in their conversation the one to avert his gaze. “Just… You have every right to be angry, and he owes you quite a few explanations, but, if you can… don’t push for more than he’s willing to give on that."

For a long moment, and more openly than he had done since walking through the door, Tyelpë only looked at him, but eventually averted his eyes again. Instead he pulled out his phone and stared at the screen wordlessly before finally letting out an inaudible but visible sigh.

“Yeah. I think I want to hear everything else from him.”

Maedhros remembered that Mairon had said he had texted Tyelpë, and he was rather sure the message was what his brother had just looked at. He only nodded, but the relief he felt was considerable, even though he had been certain that Tyelpë would talk to Mairon again once he was ready.

“If you have any more questions then, just let me know, okay?”

In reply, Tyelpë gave him a brief, noncommittal sound without meeting his eyes, and suddenly Maedhros was afraid that this was what it would always be like between them from now on, that this had broken something in the affection-filled relationship they’d always had.

But before he had figured out what else to say, Tyelpë beat him to it, surprising Maedhros by speaking up again.

“So why did you text him? Was he right with what he said about it?”

After everything, Maedhros had all but forgotten just what Mairon had said about that text message Maedhros had sent him this morning - but of course Tyelpë hadn’t. Searching for the words he could use to explain, Maedhros reached up and rubbed his forehead.

“It wasn’t like that. It was no ‘bootie call’. I did want to see him, see how he was doing, and I did tell Fin that I wouldn’t want to sleep with Mairon without him there as well. And I meant it. But…” His eyes flickered over to his brother again, trying to breathe calmly through his thudding heart. “I suppose the whole truth is that I could never be quite sure about that with him.”

He could see Tyelpë taking a slow, deep breath and his jaw clenching, and finally, his brother pushed himself off the couch and onto his feet. But instead of leaving the room, he looked straight at Maedhros, visibly squaring himself up.

“I hope he was right and you’re at least a little jealous. Because I am, and that’s not fucking fair.”

Maedhros opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Tyelpë went on.

“I’m going to go hear his side of the story.”

And without saying anything else, he walked out, leaving Maedhros somewhere between worried, guilty and impressed.

***

The shadows in his small apartment room lengthened, yet Mairon hadn’t moved from where he was lying on the bed. He was so deeply lost in his thoughts and in feeling all miserable that he actually flinched when his phone buzzed next to his head.

_‘Are you home?’_

His heart beating rapidly in his chest, he typed back.

_‘Yes. Are you coming over?’_

It took only a brief moment until the reply came through, a simple, ‘ _Yes_ ’.

“Fuck,” Mairon muttered to himself, raking a hand through his hair. He had played the conversation with Tyelpë in his head over and over during the past hours, thinking about what to say, what he _could_ potentially say, and found his options severely limited. But maybe… maybe he didn’t have to bother with this anyway, maybe the only reason why Tyelpë was heading over was to tell him to his face that they were over. 

His phone buzzed a second time.

_‘He came back and already left again, said he was going to talk to you.’_

Mairon sighed and just typed back, _‘thanks’_. He would find out soon enough.

Getting up, he put on a t-shirt, splashed some water into his face and then restlessly started to clean up the apartment, make the bed and put away some paper stacks on his desk. Ridiculous, really - as if Tyelpë would be bothered about the state of a room he’d been in dozens of times - but he felt too agitated to just sit down and wait. 

_I need you to be fair and considerate to my brother… It’s really all that matters right now._

“Right,” Mairon said quietly when the doorbell rang, took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Hey.”

He knew for a fact that Tyelpë had slept enough last night, yet he looked as though he sometimes did when he had studied or gotten lost in a project for most of the night. But even then, there had always been a positive energy to him, sometimes he vibrated even through his weariness.

There was none of that right now - only the weariness. Mairon bit his lip. The impulse to reach out for him, run a hand through his hair and pull him close had never felt so strong before.

“Hey.”

There were so many things he wanted to say to him, yet the only thing that came to mind was, “Want to come in?”

Tyelpë’s head tipped in something like a nod, and he entered wordlessly when Mairon stepped aside to give him space, going straight through into his joint bed- and living room. They both sat down at the small dining table, and Mairon hesitated, unsure whether Tyelpë wanted him to start and say something or not. When Tyelpë did not start right away, he just opened his mouth and said the next best thing that came to mind.

“Fuck, I… I really don’t know how to do this. I thought that maybe… is it a good start to tell you that I’m really, really sorry about what happened? Do you even _want_ to hear that?”

The words must have surprised Tyelpë enough that he looked up and at him, a mild frown visible on his brow.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Um… I don’t know. If you’re here to tell me that you hate my guts and that you don’t ever want to see my face again, you might not care for it.” Mairon shrugged a little helplessly. “Frankly, I… would understand.”

He could watch how Tyelpë leaned back in his chair with a soft sound and a look on his face that were both utterly exasperated.

“Why would I come here and make myself see your face if I didn’t want to see your face again?”

“Yeah, no idea,” Mairon muttered, rubbing his eyes.

It was quiet between them for a long moment, Tyelpë having crossed his arms over his chest without really looking at him. Eventually he let out a small sigh.

“That’s great. You both really want to talk and then have nothing to say.”

Mairon briefly closed his eyes. “Do you want me to explain? Or do you want to vent?”

He didn’t immediately receive a reply, only when he glanced back over at the younger man again. “Not sure yet,” Tyelpë said, his chin tipping up ever so subtly. “How about you start and I’ll see where I end up.”

“All right,” Mairon gave in with a sigh. “Let me try, then. You probably have realized by now that Annatar is not my real name. I got that as a part of the witness protection program when I chose to testify against Melkor. That means… I couldn’t have told you that I knew your brother when we met. And I am fully aware that at some point, I should have told you, I just… I wasn’t sure where this point was. And when I realized that I had probably already missed it, I was afraid of how you would react if I told you now. And then I suppose I just… stalled. Which was neither very fair nor very considerate, I get that… even though I am still not sure what the best solution would have looked like. They sure as hell didn’t prepare me for that kind of situation.”

Again, Mairon had to wait for an answer, Tyelpë's fingers silently and restlessly drumming on his own arm.

"I get that you were under some restrictions with your identity," he finally said. "I have an idea how it works, I get that it's a safety issue too, and I don't blame you for that."

Mairon gave him a wry grin. “I suppose the morally right option would have probably been to spurn you. Keep you at arm’s length somehow. But…”

Now, finally, Tyelpë's grey eyes flickered up to look at Mairon fully, and there was something in them he hadn't really seen before. Something unsure, or insecure maybe, and once again, Mairon felt a heavy pang of guilt. If he had paid more attention to him earlier instead of rebelling against Maedhros, maybe he could have prevented some of the damage he - they - had doubtlessly done there. The notion only intensified when it looked like Tyelpë wanted to say something, then clenched his jaw, yet went ahead with it anyway.

"Were you really interested in _me_?"

“Of course I -” Mairon started, then stopped himself. “Okay, let me be completely honest. Of course I knew you were Maedhros’ brother and of course some of my initial interest came from that. But would I have felt flattered by the fact that the smartest and most handsome student in my class was clearly interested in me and would I have tried to sleep with him - even if he wasn’t the brother of some former affair?” He shrugged a little. “Fuck yes, I think so.”

Mairon couldn't tell if the answer relieved or satisfied Tyelpë in any way, could only watch how he started down at the surface of the table. But finally he let out a harsh breath and said, "I think I'm going to vent now. I grew up with seven older brothers. Everything I was ever good at, someone else was already as good at if not better. Everything I'd ever done, one of them had already done. Until -"

Tyelpë broke off suddenly and bit down on the inside of his lower lip, but Mairon knew how that sentence would have continued. He sighed softly, not entirely sure how to feel about this fierce, apparent flare of jealousy from his boyfriend and not sure how to handle it either. 

“I’m aware that this sounds like the lamest cliché in the book, but… Maedhros was something completely different.”

"What was he then?" Tyelpë finally wanted to know, his voice quiet and eyes lowered back to the table.

“Well, I think the correct term for it would be ‘sexual affair’,” Mairon replied drily.

And yet there was more to it. Because Maedhros was still the man that could take his breath away just by _looking_ at him, and also someone he would trust with his life. Had already trusted with his life, to be precise. He rubbed his eyes and continued, hesitating only a little.

“The circumstances were… extreme. I saved his life and he saved mine, so I won’t lie that it was… intense. And highly emotional. But I’m quite sure he never had any romantic feelings for me whatsoever.”

Something flickered over Tyelpë's face then, and he blinked, uncrossed his arms from over his chest and reached up to quickly brush it over his eyes.

"But you for him," he said then, and it wasn't framed as a question.

“Mhm. For a while, yes. But…” Something ugly uncurled in his stomach, as always when he had to talk about that part of his life he was least fond of talking about. “I was… in a pretty bad place back then and I was completely alone and desperate. Looking back, I’m sure I would have crushed on anyone who was kind to me at that point.” Mairon took a deep breath. “I’ve never told him, by the way, and I’d be glad if you didn’t, either.”

A few moments passed in silence before, suddenly, Tyelpë got to his feet. Anxiety spiked in Mairon's chest, but before he could say anything, Tyelpë hadn't left the room, but crossed the distance to the largest window, looking out with his back turned to Mairon and his shoulders drawn.

Mairon was silent for a few moments as well, before he added, slowly, “After all of it was over… I had plenty of time to think. And I decided for me that I never wanted to get involved again in this business with relationships, romantic feelings, sexual dependencies and so on. Not ever. Because it had gotten me into nothing but trouble. And I thought I was fine with that, keeping everything casual and non-committal, no obligations, no rules, no fights. And then, well… _you_ happened and changed my mind about this.”

Again he had to wait, the thumping of his heart in his own ears dragging out the time. But finally Tyelpë turned around to face him again, his voice as tight as his shoulders as he spoke.

"So how did you imagine this? How would all of this have gone if today hadn't happened?"

“That’s a _very_ good question,” Mairon said softly. “and the one that I’m afraid I don’t really have an answer to. I guess… I just tried to be happy with you for as long as I possibly could.”

Tyelpë pressed his lips together. He looked pale, a far cry from this morning when they had been in bed together.

"Would you have ever told me? Or was your plan to just leave once everything inevitably came out?"

“You’re asking about a hypothetical response of mine to a hypothetical event. I feel compelled to note that the diagnosticity of my answer here is really close to zero,” Mairon growled. “As for the only honest answer I can give you, that one is really that I don’t know what I _would have_ done.”

"So you never even thought about it?" Now, for the first time, there was more anger than hurt in Tyelpë's voice. "You knew I wanted to introduce you to my family at some point. You _knew_ Maitimo was bound to find out. And you're telling me you never spent any thought on what would happen then? That you really cared so little for the outcome?"

“I didn’t say that I never _thought_ about it.” Mairon glared at him. “I’m not an idiot, of course I knew this was going to blow up in my face eventually. And if I really seem to you like someone who doesn’t care right now, I must have a much better poker face than I give myself credit for.” Sighing deeply, he rubbed his temples and forced himself to remain calm. “But telling you would have meant telling you _everything,_ and… well for one I didn’t know whether I was supposed to do that with all the new identity and stuff. And… I knew you would have never again seen me the way you saw me until this morning.”

"I guess not," Tyelpë answered after a long pause, his tone now more quiet again as well. He just looked at Mairon, the expression on his face hard to read, until he let out a sigh. "Do you still want to be with me?"

Whatever response Mairon had expected, this was not it. 

“Of course I do,” he replied utterly perplex and then added with a bit of dry humor, “In fact, shouldn’t I be asking that question? Because, you know, nothing has changed for _me_.”

"Well, what the fuck do _I_ know," Tyelpë returned sarcastically, though there wasn't much edge to his words. Instead he looked down at his feet, arms once more crossing over his chest. "Just… I don't know, what do I have to expect whenever you see my brother again?"

“Well nothing is going to _happen_ , if that’s what you mean,” Mairon muttered. “And you don’t even have to trust my word on that… you know Fingon, do you really believe Maedhros would cheat on him? With me?” He shook his head. “Not going to happen.”

“I _didn’t_ mean -” Tyelpë cut himself off with a quiet, frustrated sigh. “Will this work whenever you see him? Will you regret that you’re ‘tied down’ and can’t go having any more - any more threesomes with them? I just don’t -” His own words were visibly tripping him up, and when he uncrossed his arms again, Mairon could see that his hands were trembling. “Do I have to be scared that you’re always going to - I don’t know, _you_ tell me.”

Aw, fuck, he had forgotten that Maedhros had already thrown the threesome in his boyfriend’s unsuspecting face. “Tyelpë… I don’t feel _tied down_ with you,” Mairon said carefully, deciding not to stress the point further. “I told you, I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I met you, in fact that was the last thing I had on my mind at that point. Why do you think I’ve changed my mind on that, if not for the fact that I wanted to be with you like I’ve never wanted to be with _anyone_ so far? Hm?”

Maybe it had indeed been something Tyelpë needed to hear now. Because for a long moment, he merely looked at Mairon, taking a slow, deep breath, and then crossed the distance between them again to sit back down in the chair across from him, looking weary.

“Am I overreacting here?” he wanted to know, his voice quiet and unsure.

“Well… I get that you’re angry and maybe a little jealous, but I wouldn’t say you’re _overreacting_ ,” Mairon said with a small, sarcastic smile. “At least you haven’t punched me in the face yet, so as far as my experience goes, you’re being perfectly reasonable.”

The expression on Tyelpë’s face was troubled, his grey eyes studying Mairon for a long while. But finally, a tiny, weak smile flickered around the corners of his mouth.

“Okay,” he said, briefly biting down on his lower lip. “So… Mairon, huh?”

“That would be me,” Mairon confirmed, “although if you like it better, you can also keep calling me Annatar.” He added not entirely seriously, “Mairon tends to be a mindless jerk with a tendency to make terrible decisions, apparently.” 

Somehow, that drew a soft huff of something out of Tyelpë that he would almost call a laugh, even if the corners of his mouth didn’t quite make it this time. “I don’t know yet,” he admitted, giving him a tiny shrug. “I guess I’d have to try it out. What would you prefer?”

“I don’t think I have a preference, really. Whatever you like best.”

He could see the signs of his boyfriend in thought, the familiar look on his face, the subtle way his mouth curled. And finally he looked up into his eyes and said, “I like Annatar, and who he is. I - I would like to get to know Mairon too, though. And then decide in time?”

“Even after all you’ve learned about Mairon?” the same asked, gently. “I wasn’t joking about what I said before. Do _you_ even want to be with me anymore? Because to tell you in all fairness: You deserve way better than me.”

“ _Better_ than you?” There was a subtle frown on Tyelpë’s face as he looked at him. Another soft huff, and he shook his head. “Stars… I get that I don’t really know anything about your past, but do you have any idea how proud I was that I somehow got someone like you to want to be with me?”

Mairon sighed and shook his head, but he couldn’t hide a small smile. As tough as Tyelpë normally acted, that streak of self-consciousness that he showed sometimes made Mairon feel surprisingly protective of his younger boyfriend, some side of himself that he hadn’t known before either. “Baby, I told you, this was no specific achievement of yours,” he gently scolded him. “You could literally have every gay student at Mírdain University if you wanted to. And I’m quite sure there are some that are less fucked up than me and that have never even seen your brother in their lifetime. Or if they had, they'd think he’s some lame old guy and a total hipster douche.”

This time, the snorted little laugh did make the corners of Tyelpë’s mouth curl up, and he raised his hand to rub it over his face. “Fuck… I’m not ready to talk about how not lame you think my brother is, that’s - Just no.” He took a deep breath, his expression evening a little. “I… Listen, I’m not thrilled about that in particular, especially because… Well, Nelyo’s always going to be there. Your past is your past though, and whatever it was, I haven’t really seen much _fucked up_ in the past few months.”

“I pride myself on the fact that I usually manage to hide it rather well,” Mairon said softly, “but it _is_ there.” He hesitated for a long moment, fighting with himself before he made a decision. “In fact… you should probably hear all of it. Otherwise, it’ll just come back up later and you’ll feel hurt and distressed if Maedhros knows things about me that you don’t.”

Something softer broke over Tyelpë’s face, and he gave his head a tiny shake. “I already know that he knows things I won’t ever. Everyone I talked to so far… Nelyo, Fin, you… you all said that those two weeks were an extreme situation. And he was there in person, so…” His shoulders twitched in a small shrug and he hesitated briefly. “But… that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want to know at least a little more. If you’re really willing to tell me.”

“It’s… not just the two weeks.” Mairon took a deep breath. “Okay, listen. I’ve never really talked about this before… well, expect with my lawyer and with random strangers in court, obviously,” he added a little cynically. “There’s a lot of things that even Maedhros doesn’t know because I didn’t want him to feel even more protective and I definitely didn’t want him to pity me. But… you are my boyfriend and if you actually plan to keep it that way, I guess you should know at some point… and now’s as good as ever.”

Mairon hadn’t really been sure up to this point, yet now seeing the look in Tyelpë’s eyes, it was obvious that the younger man was entirely aware of the fact that before this moment, Mairon had never called him his boyfriend out loud. He didn’t comment on it though. Instead he reached out over the table and tentatively curled his fingers around Mairon’s hand. It put a brief smile on Mairon’s face and he squeezed his hand gently, but he quickly turned serious again.

“Okay so… when I was seventeen, I was probably the dumbest kid in all of Arda, but of course I thought I had it all figured out. School was boring, I was constantly fighting with my parents and I started doing dumb stuff. I figured out there was lots of money to be made on the internet if you knew about computers and programming, and even more if your moral standards were a bit flexible.” He shrugged. “It was mostly minor stuff at first, some shams, some hacking, and I could always tell myself that I was just doing what I got paid for. But I was quite good at it, which ultimately got me Melkor’s attention.”

Mairon paused to see how Tyelpë was reacting, but his boyfriend just listened to him calmly.

“It’s hard to say why… well, I guess the truth is, I was incredibly reckless, impressionable and desperate for appreciation at that time.” Mairon sighed and rubbed his neck, the memory still enough to make his skin crawl. “And he went out of his way to accommodate me at first, bought me everything I could have ever wanted, took me to places I could never have afforded, flattered me and told me how special I was, how smart, sexy… well. You get the idea, I guess. Bottom line was, after a few months of sneaking around, as soon as I was of age, I moved out without any note to my parents, moved into his apartment, started doing cocaine and the real illegal shit for him. Major fraud, illegal deals, data theft, you name it, I did it.”

When he glanced over at his boyfriend again, there was a quietly sad yet sympathetic expression on his face, and Mairon wondered if he had actually expected anything different. He had only ever experienced Tyelpë as kind-hearted, with an open ear to anyone who came to him.

“So… for a while I was quite content with my prospering criminal career,” he continued sarcastically. “Took me quite a while to discover the ugly side of it all, possibly because I was high most of the time. But then Melkor had to go underground, and became all irritated, paranoid and obsessed with your father’s invention, the Silmarils, how to get the files and how to crack their encryption…” Mairon snorted disdainfully. “Looking back, I don’t think he was ever really interested in anything about me that wasn’t either my hacking skills or my ass, but by the end, he didn’t even bother pretending. In any case, when he abducted Maedhros, I wanted out, he threatened me, I stayed. Took me until he beat Mae almost unconscious and smashed his hand to act eventually.” Mairon had to close his eyes for a moment, his voice trembling, the images vivid before his eyes as he felt the familiar rush of guilt, what he could have saved Maedhros from if he had only acted a little sooner, if he hadn’t been such a damn coward.

The hand around his tightened gently, a thumb slowly brushing over his knuckles. And Tyelpë finally spoke up again, calm and quiet.

“You don’t need to feel guilty about any of that anymore. I know my brother would say that, if you asked him. Because… come on, look how it all turned out.”

“Mhm,” Mairon hummed. “I know, technically. And I’m not telling you because I want your sympathy, your absolution or anything like that. I guess… I just want you to know who I am and who you are dealing with. It took me three years to figure out who Melkor really was, and I think I just fully understood when he found out about Maedhros and me.” He couldn’t help that his voice still sounded bitter and trembling with anger when he talked about this, but fuck, he had every right to be angry, right? “Well, you’re a lot smarter than me, Tyelpë. I guess you would have figured out you’re with a complete and utter asshole _before_ he beat you black and blue and raped you,” he added sarcastically. “Guess I’m a bit of slow learner. But I daresay my choice of partners is improving.”

“Shit.” It was a soft but heartfelt and obviously utterly instinctive reaction, a multitude of emotions flickering over Tyelpë’s face. His mouth opened, and it was easy to see that there was so much that was going through his mind, so much he could or wanted to say. But what finally came out was, “You’re damn right it’s improving!”

Mairon couldn’t help the warm wave of affection when looking at his boyfriend as he gently entwined their fingers. “Yeah. That and everything else. And it was much harder than I thought at first. The coke withdrawal, the nightmares, the paranoia that one day I would turn around or wake up and look straight into a gun pointed into my face…” He shrugged. “But it got better. Melkor is locked up and I’m out and I’m doing fine. So well that apparently, I have decided to try this relationship business again.” He gave Tyelpë a bit of a crooked smile. “But you see, baby, there’s no need to feel insecure about anything. My standard of comparison is really rather low.”

"You do realize that's not reassuring at all," Tyelpë shook his head, but his words were laced with a quiet, unshaking warmth. He just looked at Mairon for a long moment and then let out his breath. "I always knew there had to be more to you. Not _that_ much more, admittedly, but…" He briefly shook his head and tightened his hold on Mairon's fingers. "Look. You're not the first who's ever done stupid shit when he was young. You're not the first who got tricked. Fuck, I only have to think about how blue-eyed _I_ was when we met, going into my first real relationship… Could have happened to me too." His grey eyes were intense when they studied Mairon's now. "I'm in love with you. I want you. Everyone else can just… I don't know. Fuck right off."

“Mhm. I’d like that.” Mairon didn’t know how it was even possible that he felt all light and happy after just having spoken about all the ugly things that he was used to keeping locked away. But sharing them with Tyelpë had been easier than he had thought, and strangely reassuring. “In fact, I think… you may easily be the best thing that has ever happened to me."

He had the pleasure of watching how something warm and tender broke over Tyelpë’s face, something he had, not so long ago, been half convinced he’d never see again. But then his boyfriend got to his feet, rounded the table and carefully squeezed himself sideways between Mairon and the edge of the table onto his lap, upper body turned towards him so he could reach up and cradle his face in both hands. “Keep saying things like that. My self-esteem appreciates it."

"Hmmm let's see," Mairon hummed, immediately wrapping his arms around Tyelpë's body. Relief was slowly starting to sink in, making him feel lightheaded. "What can I say, you're gorgeous, smartie," he smirked, pulling him closer. "You may be the brightest guy I know. Terrific in bed even though you're new to it. Generous, kind, patient even with your scoundrel boyfriend. Have I forgotten something?" He tilted his head, pretending he had to think about it. "Mhm, if I remember correctly, you've also got some mad kissing skills."

"Do I," Tyelpë said with dry amusement, but the expression on his face was soft and relieved, just like his touch when he lightly brushed Mairon's hair behind his ear, studying his eyes. "My boyfriend, hm? For sure?"

“Fuck yes,” Mairon muttered. “Can’t say I’m sure of much, but you might be the exception.”

That brought a smile to Tyelpë's face, and he tipped his head forward so that their foreheads touched.

"Okay," he simply said into the small space between them and bridged it, bringing their lips together in a light, soft kiss. With a content sigh, Mairon slid his hand into Tyelpë’s dark hair, gently returning the kiss while holding him close.

“So,” he muttered once their kiss finally broke reluctantly, “if I’m counting right, you have to officially introduce me to six more brothers of yours plus your parents, am I right? But I suppose that it might go less… dramatic?”

He could hear his boyfriend sigh softly, felt it against his lips before Tyelpë shifted, burying his face against the crook of Mairon’s neck.

“I’d like to say yes, but knowing my family, I wouldn’t exactly _count_ on it…”

Mairon chuckled softly, bringing up his hand to brush his fingers over the back of Tyelpë’s neck. “Well at least I am fairly certain I slept with no other family members of yours. Even though I spent a night on Maglor’s couch. He seemed like a nice guy.”

“You spent a night on -” Mairon could feel a soft huff against his neck before Tyelpë raised his head again to look at him. “I guess we should have quite a few more conversations.”

“Mhm, I guess we should…” Mairon muttered, but instead of explaining chose to kiss Tyelpë once more.

They would need to talk more, that was for sure, and Mairon was not so naive to think that the whole issue with Maedhros and their affair was off the table once and for all. But that was a problem to deal with at some other time. For now, he was just thankful and relieved that Tyelpë had decided to give him another chance.

And he was determined to make the best of it.


End file.
